Home > Funneh > UPS Aircraft Maintenance Logs

UPS Aircraft Maintenance Logs

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor! Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground..

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

From an email. Pretty funny stuff!

Categories: Funneh
  1. dick
    August 21, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Funny stuff!

  2. August 21, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    a midget pounding on something with a hammer

    And that’s what happens when Dick let’s them escape 😀

    • August 21, 2011 at 12:02 pm

      AAAARGH!!! I meant “lets”!! No apostrophe!!

  3. August 21, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    There was a list of simular “gripes” and their resulting “corrections”,from the military side of the street, a few years back. I will see if I can find same and give you a link.

    A sense of humor, especially in the maintenance side of things, helps a lot, and hopefully allows both sides to see a bit of the humanity involved in the flying of and maintaining of the pieces of tin placed into the air on a daily basis. (Having been an aviation maint type, I can identify with this…a lot!) So I can understand this a bit better, are you a UPS pilot? I used to work out of the Rockford hub three years ago or so. Even applied for a maint job (which would have required a move to KY … should have pushed harder for that…would have damn sure been better than staying in the Peoples Republic of Illinois).

    • August 21, 2011 at 12:17 pm

      I am not a pilot, Guy. My dad was, so I get a lot of emails between Dad and his friends. However, this one was not from him, but from somebody that I forward these little tidbits to from time to time.

      • August 21, 2011 at 12:23 pm

        I bet your dad has lots of interesting stories, most starting with , “There I was, at 30,000 ft…”

  4. August 21, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    I like the ones about conversations between pilots and the control tower.

    Like the Brit who doesn’t know where his gate is at the Frankfurt airport and asks for directions.
    The tower says, “You don’t know where you’re going? Haven’t you been to Frankfurt before?”
    The Brit pilot replies, “Yes, during the war, but I didn’t stop.”

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